Mentors keep reminding parents of the basics

These are the issues that parents want to talk about. So when you do that up front it’s a whole different world for everybody. We understand each other a little bit better.

Things to think about

Can you bring the big concerns up with parents first they way Bev does at orientation?
How can you remind parents throughout the year that what is happening is normal and supposed to happen?

Highlights from Playful Wisdom
by Michael Mendizza featuring Bev Bos and Joseph Chilton Pearce

Birth trauma psychologist William Emerson, PhD., taught me a profound lesson. When things are not right, and this can mean extremely not right, being connected with someone who loves you makes a profound difference in how the experience is interpreted and therefore processed. The physical pain comes and goes. What lingers is the memory of the trauma, and for the very young this memory is stored in the body. When the loving, empathic connection to another is not there, the child holds on to the trauma, feeling the need to protect him- or herself. When the empathy connection is there, love and care supersede the transient physical pain. The child focuses on the feelings of being cared about. Nonverbal waves of affection sooth the aches. Being safe, even when trauma strikes, preempts the need to hold on to the trauma for self-protection. The trauma ebbs and is released. These sensitive times allow space and pause to focus on what I call “tuning-fork resonance.” Joseph Chilton Pearce spent the last decade exploring “the intelligence of the heart.” Having almost as many neurons as muscle cells, each pulse or contraction of the heart generates an electromagnetic field that radiates, informing every cell in the body and at measurable distances how we are relating to both internal processes and external events. Biologist Bruce Lipton noted years ago how our interpretation of events shapes the impact that event or experience has. When small or large traumas strike fill your heart with reassuring, loving, caring, healing feelings which are felt and mirrored by the child, and all this without words. Affectionate touch is the most powerful way to communicate.

A wonderful thing that I do with parents during the orientation is I say there are things that kids are going to get this year and they always kind of lean forward. What is she going to say? And the first thing I put down is lice. They’re probably going to get lice. They’re going to get hit. They might get bit. They might get dirty. They might get chicken-pox. All those things, because those are the things that scare parents. They’re going to get a lot of other things. I’m going to take really good care of your kids so they’re going to get a lot of other things.

But these are the issues that parents want to talk about. So when you do that up front it’s a whole different world for everybody. We understand each other a little bit better. It’s still a lot of work. I’ve heard some people say, oh I told the parents that, but it takes time and time again for all of us. We don’t learn it in one moment. We’ve just got to keep over, just reminding people that’s what 4 year olds do. That’s what 3 year olds do. Is he almost 4? Well I can tell, yes. His brain is really growing. 5 is a really very sweet age, just hold on, help him through that age so he can be a 5 year old.