Kids are born wondering about everything. You have to watch the child closely when they’re young because they are so filled wondering about if the stove, the brooms, the vacuum, the piano. What is everything? That wonder about everything. And then I think it moves into discovery. Then they have to know it. They have to take it apart.
Things to think about
How do you stay in a child’s moment of discovery?
How can you join in on a child’s fascination without the adult’s knowing?
Do you have magnifying glasses available at your school to children all the time?
How do you assist children in their discoveries and allow them to figure out the questions themselves?
Highlights from Playful Wisdom
by Michael Mendizza featuring Bev Bos and Joseph Chilton Pearce
Outside on a busy tourist sidewalk, a frustrated three-year-old sits on the ground and refuses to budge. Her mother is furious. “No,” shouts the little one. “Get up right this minute!” Again, “No,” cries the toddler. The mother reaches down, grabs the now-screaming girl by the legs, holds her upside-down and shakes her violently, while the raging woman’s husband and older child stand by saying nothing. This is what happens when we pick a fight with a toddler. No one wins and the collateral damage, long-term, is crippling. What goes around comes around. Maybe not right away, but at age ten or fifteen or twenty-five. How would an Aikido master meet a toddler’s demands, their quick temper and sometimes tears? Aikido is often translated as “the way of harmonious spirit.” The founder’s goal was to create an art practitioners could use to defend themselves while also protecting their attacker. Aikido is unusual for this emphasis on protecting the opponent, in this case our children, as part of one’s spiritual and social development. Ueshiba, the founder, developed Aikido after experiencing several spiritual awakenings. He said:
The Way of the Warrior has been misunderstood. It is not a means to kill and destroy others. Those who seek to compete and better one another are making a terrible mistake. To smash, injure, or destroy is the worst thing a human being can do. The real Way of a Warrior is to prevent such slaughter—it is the Art of Peace, the power of love… The source of ‘bud’ (the martial way) is God’s love—the spirit of loving protection for all beings.
Parenting and Aikido have a lot in common. Both are arts, a spontaneous creative flow where students (and all parents are students) meet their needs while simultaneously meeting the needs of the child. Instead of meeting on the dojo mat, we meet our toddler challenges in play. What I find so interesting is how time often plays a central role in conflict. We make up some arbitrary deadline, like Now!, and we expect our tiny ones to conform. If not, we get all bent out of shape. But I hear you protest, “We are serious, busy adults. We have rules, regulations, priorities, schedules and responsibilities.” Our little ones don’t live in that world. They are in the moment and this moment is for play. We have to appreciate that “play is learning:” learning how to relate. To break this flow to meet some (to the child) unknown and abstract demand, is a betrayal of what nature demands children do, that is; learn and discover in the optimum state for learning and discovery called “play.” When we realize that the state of the relationship is infinitely more important than meeting the demand de jour, we give precedent to the quality of the relationship. That is where parenting and Aikido meet. The warrior bent on winning relates completely differently than one who meets his or her needs while simultaneously protecting and therefore meeting the deeper needs of others.