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Barbara Findeisen

Fendisen Int

We assume because we have big bodies that we’re grown up. But many of us are emotionally frozen because of traumas that happened very young. People are arrested at different stages of development, like frozen ego states. Circumstances that happen today can stimulate those early traumas. Then all the repressed pain floods the person and the pain or fear of the immature ego state is very real.

Our instincts know, but we don’t trust our instincts anymore. We’ve been brainwashed into ignoring our deeper wisdom. We read books by people who are supposed to be experts. We don’t listen to our own intuitive sense.

We live in a system where insurance policies and litigation are realities. When I speak to medical professionals about pre- and perinatal psychology, the majority of the people are hostile. They’re not open. They’re threatened on many levels. I think the resistance is more male than female, though female doctors can be very, very hostile.

We can’t always have a perfect pregnancy or birth, but we can learn ways to avoid long- lasting psychological effects. The earlier the treatment, the easier and quicker the healing, precisely because the personality has not formed on a basis of fear and hypervigilence.

It would be much more cost effective to support mothers at home than to pay for the crime, the juvenile delinquency, drug abuse, the violence, self-abuse, suicides, the police, and prisons, not to mention the broken lives of millions of human beings.

We do not behave or legislate as if our children, their care and education are our most valuable resource.

Early memories are like pebbles thrown into the water. The experience creates ripples that continue and expand. They affect people’s lives profoundly. Often when clients look at pre- and perinatal experiences they discover that they hold the key to understanding themselves.
This is the moment where our first decisions are made, “the world isn’t safe” or “I’m not good enough.”

Eric Ericson, in his child development scale, used trust or mistrust as the first building block. The one which is chosen is the result of our first learned experience and that first experience is in the womb, during birth or that very critical period immediately after birth. Early messages create life-long patterns of trust or distrust.

One thing I find very powerful is to reconnect people to their original state using whatever term they choose, their essence, spirit, or soul. Whatever it was, it was a place where they were safe. Some people have difficulty finding that, remembering it or even believing that it is possible. They literally cannot remember a time when they felt safe in the world. It still staggers me to see the amount of fear in people and how many have never, ever felt safe. In reconnecting people to that essential self, safety, peace and connection they can begin to have faith in themselves and in their original innocence.

This awareness has the possibility of supporting and empowering individuals. It gives hope and purpose. Many people come into therapy with no sense of self at all. They say to me, “I don’t know who I am, I don’t know anything about me. I feel like I’m phony and I don’t think I’ve ever been okay or safe.” Somewhere within however, there is a consciousness and a memory of wholeness. From that context one can look at purpose and meaning. What do I want that gives my life meaning and satisfaction?