Violence is a Failure of Bonding/Attachment

bonding and violence


We, or at least I, often rationalize violence. After all, it is normal to pound a fist or scream when frustrated and angry. Anger is normal. Einstein’s protégée, David Bohm, defined violence as any excessive use of force. Slamming a car door when one could gently close it. Violence is natural. Or is it?

Applying Gabor Mate’s insight into addictions: The question isn’t why the addiction. The real question is; why the pain?

See More... and More...

Themes: 
abuse-neglect
bonding
brain
violence

We are the Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Human development is ‘model dependent.’ Every generation stands upon the shoulders of the previous. Nature assumes that the adult model, each individual and the collective culture, is sane, intelligent and wise. She could not do otherwise.

Unquestioned acceptance of the given was Piaget’s observation. That is nature’s agenda.  And it worked perfectly for billions of years until the neocortex evolved and with it the capacity to imagine. Imagination is the most powerful tool in the known universe.  Ah, but what if the user hasn’t a clue what it is or how to use it – sanely, consciously? We all then become the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Themes: 
brain
culture
imagination
parenting
violence

To Me or Not to Me?

If there is a single force that generates inequality, violence and war throughout the world, other than the Central Bank, I vote for the self-image we create gazing up for assurance and approval as infants. At this early stage of development what emerges from that glance is not a fixed image, rather feelings: of acceptance, of care, welcoming, understanding, empathy, encouragement or their opposites; rejection, anger, frustration, neglect and the various forms of abuse.

Over time the repetition of these feelings coalesce, merge and form predictable patterns and these in turn create the scaffolding upon which our social identity is formed. Belonging means survival. Rejection could mean death. So we began to judge our worth and value based on the emotional reactions we experience in the mirror of our primary relationship.

Being accepted and maintaining the bond or attachment with mother extends to father, siblings, extended family, tribe and village. Instead of glances our value is based on comparison; our score, grade point average, nationality, race, profession, political party, social status, cast, club, gang, and religion. Our identity and self-worth are sculpted by the selfish needs of these social groups and within each sub-group is a pecking order forged by comparison, allegiance, obedience and conformity. Conflict, greed and war are implicit in this structure and this structure is based on mental-emotional images that forge our identity.

Themes: 
bonding
culture
parenting
praise/rewards
self image
violence

For Whom The Bell Tolls

We are again stunned by a shocking tragedy. How can such a thing happen? The roots of today’s violence were sewn long ago. At the beginning, when the seeds of pain and violence were created through neglect, comparison, not being seen, birth trauma and everyday abuse, constantly feeling compared, judged, told no, not being touched or touched violently, not being understood and responded to as we are, authentically – here is where the preventive response must be. Not gun control, not more prisons, not castrating the rapist – not more pain for an already tortured global body and psyche. We must respond but at the root, at the beginning by preventing these painful, violent neurons from forming.

James W. Prescott, PhD, has been researching and writing about the Origins of Love and Violence for fifty years: “You won’t find a violent individual in prison who has been breastfeed for 2.5 years or longer.” Years ago Joseph Chilton Pearce wrote a chapter in Magical Child: A Time Bomb in the Nursery. David B. Chamberlain, PhD, author of Babies Remember Birth and The Mind of Your Newborn Baby summed it up: “The way we treat babies is how those babies will treat the world.” Primal researcher and innovator of water birth Michel Odent, MD, uses the phrase; “A chronic and global diminished capacity to love.” “It is the environment not the genes,” says Bruce Lipton, PhD, author of The Biology of Belief and Spontaneous Evolution.

Themes: 
abuse-neglect
culture
environment
parenting
violence

Pleasure is BAD Get Over It

The Time cover Mom Enough, marked the 20th anniversary of The Baby Book by William Sears, MD, labeling attachment parenting practices such as child-led weaning as “extreme.” No surprise, expected really, by echoing a professional party line dating back over 100 years times ten and more.

Please review and share the fabulous re-shoot and Pathways Family Wellness Magazine follow-up on Times most provocative cover story in decades.

To understand why, first realize that a woman’s body was built, among other tings, for pleasure. In a culture where pleasure is BAD pleasure becomes a commodity, something to be possessed, sold and controlled, especially by males whose normal sensory development has been retarded resulting in a cultural hyper-need-response to what is deprived, driving up the value and the compulsive need to possess and control it.

Ashley Montague notes in the Dehumanization of Man (and Woman via children), ‘the central issue of Western thought and civilizations is freedom vs. control.’ In 1932 with the publication of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley predicted an increasing and rapid centralization of power and control, not through oppression and terror, we have that too, but rather through the subtler devices of conditioning, persuasion, new drugs and distraction. What does rapid centralization of power and control have to do with breast feeding and equally intimate circumcision?

Themes: 
birth
bonding
brain
breastfeeding
circumcision
culture
parenting
pleasure
sensory deprivation
violence

Pages