What Are You Doing?

It is a privilege to be Carly’s friend and guide. She is obviously not an honored guest, a celebrity or foreign dignitary, but she deserves being treated like one, with that same heightened level of care, empathy and respect. To do so takes time and attention. Being present is increasingly rare today. The earth is spinning at more or less the same speed, but inside we humans, psychologically, the world is not the same at all. Ten years ago, in 2007, we crossed a tipping point. Human consciousness was jump started into exponential acceleration. Most now carry a mobile computer in their pocket or handbag that buzzes, beeps, and flashes pictures, grabbing our attention, 24/7. Every time it does, we become less attentive, less present, less sensitive to what is taking place here and now, in and between ourselves and our honored guests. Imagine being deep in the Congo and discovering that your guide is oblivious to what is happening, standing there, enchanted, staring at the palm of his hand. “Wake up,” you say! “Be here now!” That is what loving and caring for Carly does. She wakes me up.

Themes: 
attention
fathers

Changing the world - one father at a time

As you know, I kept a journal inspired by “what I learned with Carly,” writing every two weeks for two years, beginning with the home birth of Carly Elizabeth, now thirty-three months young. This evolved into a new book; Playful Wisdom, A Father’s Adventure, now at the printer and is expected mid-July. My dream is that this inspiring and heartfelt book becomes THE GIFT every new father receives from caring friends and families. (They won’t buy it for themselves. Not this kind of book. Guys don’t do that.) But, they will read it as a gift from someone who cares.

Themes: 
fathers

Lighthearted Seriousness

What if the way we treat our child is the way our child will treat the world? And what if you and I are not all that different from other parents so our child is like theirs and that is the way the world will be?

Around the 12th to 14th c. B.C. Hermes Trismegistus proclaimed, as above so below. That which is above is the same as that which is below. “Macrocosmos is the same as microcosmos. The universe is the same as God, God is the same as man, man is the same as the cell, the cell is the same as the atom, the atom is the same as... and so on, ad infinitum." Human behavior is fractal by nature. A fractal is a pattern that repeats at every scale. We create the future by the way we behave now. Wow! Each of us is responsible for the way humanity is and will be. Everything we do matters and Carly Elizabeth doesn’t miss a stich.

Themes: 
fathers
culture
parenting

On Being A Father

I began the self-discovery journey called ‘being a father’ about forty years ago with Eric, added my post graduate training thirty years ago with John-Michael and nine months ago I was born again under the firm mentorship of Carly Elizabeth. The general view is that parenting is a one way street. Parents demonstrate how everything is and should be by introducing various forms of rewards, threats and punishments to insure lasting conformity. And yes, of course, it is important to help Carly discover that climbing up the stairs implies the risk of falling down. On the other hand, what is it that I am discovering, learning and developing while assisting Carly Elizabeth with her discoveries? Unconditional love? Patience? Quiet listening? Being firmly grounded in my body? Sensitive attention? Nonverbal communication? Appreciating that the resonate meaning, the nature and quality of my state of being, is shared and creates the context for the dance this moment and the next? There is an implied sacred responsibility to model with that state the highest expressions of kindness, compassion, care and play. Wow! I thought parenting was all about kids.

Themes: 
parenting
fathers

Patrick Houser 03

On being a father
Patrick Houser

Patrick Houser Fathers

Author: 
Patrick Houser

Patrick M Houser is a grandfather and father of 2 sons. It was the birth of his first son which revealed to him the need to understand birth more fully. Patrick’s second son’s arrival, in 1980, was the first documented waterbirth in the USA. This has informed his life's work and led him to nearly 25 years of passionate advocacy for birth choices. He has a degree in marketing, has owned a natural health centre and for 10 years ran his construction firm in Austin, Texas. He is the director of The Source Foundation International a UK reg.

Essential Joseph Chilton Pearce 11

Fathers and Bonding
Joseph Chilton Pearce

Fathers can’t replace the mother. They don’ have the required body parts. Fathers being present at birth expands the bonded resonance the baby has experienced in the mother. The baby discovers that the bond, the safe place is expandable and variable if the father is in a safe emotional state. If the father is angry, resentful, hostile, the baby imprints that, fear, the expanded world is not safe and need defending against.

Fathers can’t replace the mother, they just don’t have the right genes or the right glands for that. But on the other hand, if a father is present at the birth of a child the child will bond to the father, that is the father becomes part of the first expansion beyond the womb to embrace a world.  If the father is part of that world there will be an automatic response to the father, particularly if the father picks the child up a great deal and holds it.  And if you’ll notice all men, when they hold a child, they hold it with their left.  That isn’t just to free their right hand, it’s because they’ll automatically, spontaneously putting the infant at their left side in immediate adjacency to the heart because there again that’s what the child needs.  And so all the child is finding out is this safe space is expandable and it’s variable.

Here it is, they’re in a completely strange kind of a setting and yet all the signals are there so they feel at home all the more.  So they can bond to the fathers very well and in fact the greater the presence of the father if the father’s in a great emotional state.  And if the father of curse is angry, hostile, resentful in any way, anxiety ridden and so forth, then the infant has to respond accordingly.  So the importance of the father being himself in a good space is as necessary as for the mother.  There’s no difference in that.  

But the job of the father primarily, in nature’s agenda so far as I can tell, is to support the mother in that first critical period, the in arms period.  Now of course he can take over in arms and he’s going to want to, particularly if he’s present at the birth.  He’s going to want to take part in that and that’s exactly as nature intended as well.  But his other job is to support the mother that she might not be subjected to anxiety, fear, want, neglect and so forth, because again the environment of the child changes accordingly.  Later on the father becomes critical.  It seems to me, in what I’ve read, it seems to me the father becomes critical in establishing the bridge from the family nest to the environment at large or the world out there.  The father is kind of a bridge to the larger world beyond the family environment itself.