In a biological process, not a sentimental or an emotion or an intellectual, a biological response to that which has been established in-utero or a reconfirming of that established in-utero and it’s found that when the mother interacts with the infant on a skin to skin contact right after birth that it actually awakens, activates in the mother’s emotional cognitive brain what is called the ancient species survival extinct. And it gives her a capacity and ability that she has never needed before, of tuning into the infant on many, many different levels and responding to the infant for the infant’s own welfare and well-being. She’s driven by an enormous genetic drive to protect, nurture and defend the infant at all costs. The welfare of the infant becomes paramount in her life by activating this particular part of her brain system. As a result of that she’s tuned into her infant on many different levels than just the ordinary way we think of relating.
And the other interesting thing is that this gives her the capacity to awaken in the infant the infant’s own genetically encoded package of intelligences so they’re each awakening in the other fundamental biological intelligences and there’s a reciprocation established, a reciprocal action, each is taking their cues from the other. The mother is so observant, so acutely aware of the infant, she sees the infant through totally different eyes. She senses the infant on different levels. No one else in the world will ever sense that infant on all the levels she is going to be sensing from that infant. They will be in communication on many different levels than just ordinary sight and sound.
Now with this is the foundation of their relationship from that point on throughout the entire development of this infant, it is the infants welfare and well-being that will be the prime stimulus in the mother’s response to him. And she’ll be taking her cues for how to respond to that infant from the infant itself.
Not having this connection, if it’s broken by something and the bonding is incomplete, she won’t be bringing in those cues. She won’t know what to do. She’ll be confused by the infant and the fallback and all sorts of intellectual schemes are trying to respond. She will be looking at the infant not from the welfare of the infant but from what she’s been taught or read in books or what she believes might be the best for her own image of herself as a mother.
We find that the unbonded mother is far more concerned over the behaviors of the infant or a child as they reflect on the mother’s own social position. That is the mother’s prime motive. The prime impetus in her response to her infant is not the welfare of the infant but the welfare of her own social image in the eyes of other people. So she’ll be responding to the infant or reacting to him in ways to try to change the infant or child’s behavior in ways she thinks will enhance her own social image and she won’t even be aware of this.
Then the child is taking their cues from the mother and they’re picking up from the mother not the cues of nurturing, well-being and their own welfare, it’s simply a demand from behaviors that are going to protect the mother herself. So you get a complete reversal, an inversion of the natural process from the failure to establish that bond in the beginning.
You not only have the fundamental or different concept within the woman’s own mind of what being a mother is, if these nurturing intelligences are not awakened, but you have a different concept of what a child is. A child becomes simply a malleable piece of clay that we must mold into our image of what we think the child should be or what we’re told what the child should be by experts. You find a peculiar situation in our society or our culture of women taking their cues for how to bring up a child from male experts, even doctors, rather than from their own innate inherent instinct, their genetically encoded wisdom for how to mother and how to take care of a child. They are looking to male physicians or experts or developmentalists or people that write books about it simply because they had no knowledge of that coming from within themselves. Why, because it was never awakened within them. And, as a result, the child doesn’t have it awakened in them all of these counter-nurturing and responsive kind of things, and you have a lot of problems in relationship in the family from the terrible two’s on through the terrible teens. You have warfare in effect between the parent and the child which is exactly the opposite of what nature intended.