Why the Pain?

The higher you fly the more encompassing the view. Patterns emerge. Individual trees become forests. Hills become mountains. Lakes become oceans. Each of the observations that follow are profound. Together they create a constellation of insights that reflect universal forces that shape each of our lives, for better or worse. We call these forces nurturing, attachment, bonding, authentic or original play, feeling connected to the social web. The impact of these forces on a child’s development are immutable, absolute. When experienced, development moves in positive, life affirming directions. When not, the impact is crippling, aggressive, violent - even suicidal.

The journey this post invites is rich and diverse. Best to print. Hold these insights in your hand. Go slowly and savor. Here’s the PDF Ask Why The Pain.

Michael Mendizza

Don’t ask why the addiction. Ask; Why the pain?

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
Gabor Maté, MD.

I speak to thousands of people every month and the most difficult audiences are the medical ones who deal with the manifestations of early childhood loss but they don’t know that that’s what they’re dealing with. They think they’re looking at diseases, symptoms, mental illness, dysfunctions, psychosis, behaviors that are categorized under one diagnosis or another. They don’t realize that the commonality is the early childhood loss in trauma. Present them with that information and you present it to them in detail with all the research perimeters being covered so that it’s not just impressionistic or antidotal but actually research based and they sit there stunned. They don’t know what to do with it. If that was only my own failure to communicate I could say okay well if somebody else presented it then maybe they would listen. But no.

Themes: 
attachment
bonding
Original Play

Breastfeeding Bonding Prevents Infant Mortality And Suicide

The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world, to a large or small extent, has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with the crime, guilt ~ and there is the story of mankind. John Steinbeck, East of Eden, 1952

Breastfeeding bonding and baby-carrying bonding are the first events of life, which the newborn/infant/child learns about love and non-violence. Love is first learned at the breast of mother and by being carried on her body ~ like in utero, where the first lessons of being connected with mother are learned.

Themes: 
abuse-neglect
bonding
brain
breastfeeding
culture
pleasure
pregnancy

Melting Hugs

Today Carly Elizabeth it officially eighteen months young. Yes, the brain grows more the first year than any other time. The density of possible connections are two to three times that of an adult. What does that mean? Muffins on the floor, toy train wrecks, hidden objects to trip over in the dark, toilet paper strolling down the hall, my wallet in the trash, car keys in the vacuum and a million other surprises.

Themes: 
bonding
brain development
unconditional love
Bonding and the Intelligence of the Heart
Summary
Transcript

Up to 65 percent of the cells of the heart are neurons just like those found in the brain. There is a direct unmediated neuro-connection, a direct pipeline, between the heart and the brain. The brain informs the heart of its general emotional state and the heart encourages the brain to make an intelligent response. Poets and sages have been saying this about the heart down through the ages. The emerging field of Neurocardiology and research at the Institute of HeartMath place the intelligence of the heart in the field of biology, where it belongs. This brief program redefines bonding in light of this new research.


The Only Power Strong Enough

 

Carly Elizabeth is seven months young today, just this week beginning to pre-crawl. I wish I could be so attentive, persistent, focused, so sensitive and aware of everything instead of being preoccupied with all my stuff. Carly craves engagement and it is truly one of the most challenging tasks as a parent to keep up, to stay in the present moment, to share this experience together right now. Oh, how easy it is to give that demand for complete engagement over to some mechanical or technological thing, but at what price?

Themes: 
attachment
bonding
culture
The stress dis-ease connection
Summary
Transcript

There was a study in Toronto where they looked at the women who had survived breast cancer and they asked them, what is it that they think had caused the cancer and what helped them survive it and more women put down stress than any other factor. Now the researchers, being medical doctors, said this just shows you how out of touch everybody is. People blame stress for everything. In fact, there’s no evidence that stress has anything to do with breast cancer. We know that there’s a lot of evidence linking hormones and breast cancer, maybe some evidence linking into certain genetics and maybe some evidence linking diet to breast cancer, but not stress. Well guess who was right? The medical doctors were dead wrong. The women were totally right.


The unscientific invalidity of blaming parents
Summary
Transcript

What was true for you was also true for your parents. So we’re talking about multi-generational, transpersonal, and culturally imposed stress and trauma and there’s no individual to blame.


ADD is another coping mechanism
Summary
Transcript

Because the initial environment was so stressed, not because the parent didn’t love them, it’s not because you’re blaming anybody, not because the parents didn’t do their best, but it was them themselves that was so stressed that the child dealt with the stress in the environment by tuning out when their brain was developing. And furthermore, when the Dopamine circuits, Dopamine they mean incentive motivation attention chemical, which we supplement with Ritalin or Dexedrine later on if we diagnose these people, those Dopamine circuits don’t develop well when the environment is totally stressed. So it’s a perfect storm that we’re creating in our society by stressing parents, by cutting asunder the tides of culture, tribe, clan, village, extended family, so neither children or parents have that supportive context. No wonder you’re going to have more children with troubled brains.


We don’t have a medical system
Summary
Transcript

We don’t have a medical system. We have a non-system, a patchwork of competing interests in hospitals and institutions and pharmaceuticals and schools of thought and invested interests and genuinely committed people working very narrow ways, but there’s no system. The system is a non-system.


Two devastating separations
Summary
Transcript

The Western medical model makes two devastating separations. We separate the mind from the body. We separate the emotions from the physiology and we separate the individual from the environment so we don’t see how the physiology of people reflects their lifelong emotional experience. And the genes are modulated by the environment. They’re turned on and off by the environment. So the impact of not understanding the unity of emotions and physiology on one hand, and on the other hand the relationship between the individual and the environment, in other words, having a strictly biological model as opposed to what has been called a bio-cycle-social model that recognizes that the biology is important but it also reflects our psychological and social relationships and therefore trying to understand the biology in isolation from the psychological and social environment is futile.


Pages