Wed, 01/28/2015 - 20:40
I can’t believe it! No, it can’t be true. Impossible! It must be a mistake. Indeed, Carly Elizabeth and I (and of course Z) are six months young today.
What began as a tender ‘first, do no harm’ obsession deepened and expanded into a radiant love affair, a dance of infinitely subtle feelings, gestures, an expressive ebb and flow of shared meaning marked by a palpable urge to evoke safety, trust, happiness and wonder, anticipating what delicious experience will happen next. Every movement she makes is unmistakably intelligent. Not the limited, narrow intelligence we call intellect, rather a keen sense of relationship.
Fri, 01/09/2015 - 16:16
John Bowlby coined the term ‘attachment’ for a healthy mother-infant-father relationship and was plummeted by his peers for doing so. Marshal Klaus, MD., helped popularized the term ‘bonding’ to describe the precious cascade of discovery-contact-response encounters shared by newborn and mother during their first moments and hours after birth. Bowlby was influenced by infants who had missed or were deprived normal mothering , those in intuitions and orphanages. In these infants something was broken, detached. Klaus observed what may be called attached mother-infant relationships as they discover, make contact and respond in completely new ways, postnatal, coming together, forming new patterns. Each term ‘attachment’ and ‘bonding’ were and are appropriate given the context. Both terms break down and lose some of their meaning however, when applied to the larger, ever-changing reciprocal dynamic we call childhood and parenting. Attunement may be more precise when describing this overarching movement.
Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:37
Carly and I (and of course Z, mother and wife) landed in a hip, crowded and loud bistro in Laguna Beach the day after Christmas along with my brother Mark. The waitress removed one of the chairs and slipped in a wooded highchair. In three days Carly Elizabeth will be five months young. As the early morning sun danced across the hotel sheets Carly was balancing, arms stretched, almost sitting up by herself, but not quite. Even so, the wooden highchair was too low and too far away. I pushed a dish aside and sat Carly on the table with my arm around her.
Tue, 12/23/2014 - 16:29
Floating in the tub Carly Elizabeth kicked her chubby legs this morning, murmuring pre-words that only she and I can understand. Day by day she grows more aware, awake and brighter if this is possible. Preparing for my interviews with the First Prime Minister of Tibet in exile I read six or seven books on Tibetan Buddhism including, of course, several by the Dalai Lama. In an interview his Holiness was asked; ‘how he could smile so often seeing the suffering he does throughout the word? His reply, ‘Happiness is my profession.’ The negation of suffering leaves what? Happiness.
Sun, 12/21/2014 - 20:36
Winter Solstice 2014
I return each winter when the moon is full
and the stars shine bright in the black sky.
I return to a quiet place that has been
in the heart and soul of humanity - forever.
The heavens stand still for just a moment
in this quiet place I’m sure we all feel.
The ever-present cycle of birth, growth, blossoming,
the wisdom of autumn and death of each heartbeat,
breath, each cell, organ, limb, body, tree,
mountain, planet and galaxy dancing the dance
of transformation and renewal,
we are reminded of in this quiet place.
Sun, 12/14/2014 - 21:26
Forgive me for restating the obvious. It is really very simple. Rape, domestic violence, child abuse, depression, addictions, chronic anxiety, fear, rage, most chronic diseases; diabetes, obesity, Alzheimer’s, many hormonal cancers; breast, testicular, heart disease, ALS, attention disorders, bullying, gangs, male-female inequity, poverty, the failure of education, corporate exploitation of human beings and the environment, you get the point, are expressions of failed or impaired capacity to relate nonviolently with other human beings, society, culture and with nature. All are attachment disorders, attachment being attuned, empathic, respectful, caring relationships.
Sat, 12/06/2014 - 13:05
Walking to the studio at dawn on this the first day of my sixty-fifth spin, I mused; ‘what a wonderful morning to die.’ No, this is not some morbid depress-wish. It is complete amazement at the wonder, the beauty and constant newness each breath brings.
Mon, 12/01/2014 - 09:41
It breaks my heart to see the propaganda. The Number One On-Line Anything for Children Age Two complete with college cap and diploma. This happy, smiling fake mouse magically appeared signing off from Facebook. How many hits; 892,469 likes and 50,017 talking about? How many young parents have been lured by the Hurried Child, Baby Einstein, early is better, screen time is educational, get junior off to a good, NO the best possible start, to keep up with the neighbors and the dumb-down standards, competing for that coveted position at the XYZ Preschool hoping she will make the cut.
Wed, 11/26/2014 - 13:10
They say, breast is best. Well, duhhh. But wait, I’m a guy. What do I know? The overarching question is why have a baby? Hormones, of course. No one can win an argument with hormones. There is only one correct answer, to nurture the healthiest, happiest, most awake, aware, sensitive and responsive human being possible. Having a baby is all about the baby. It is the ultimate ‘giving back.’
Fri, 11/14/2014 - 12:56
Carly, born Tuesday, July 29, 2014. Today is Friday, November 14, 2014, 108 days, almost three and a half months new depending on how we calculate the equinox. There is a distilling of awareness and attention, a distinct and growing capacity to balance, to see, to be startled by a sharp sound or emotion and reaching to grasp. Carly’s attention, how stimulation moves from her eyes into her brain creating intention, extending down her arm, past the elbow and wrist to the outreached hand, tiny fingers grasping is today’s lesson.