Just Listen

It begins very early, perhaps with the first spark of life; relationship, connection, a drive to resonate with life and especially with forms just like us. We call it family, bonding, attachment. But we get so confused, all that chattering in our head and the obsession that others must hear those voices too. We want to be seen, felt, understood and appreciated. So we tell them, all the time.

That is one side of the communion dynamic, sharing who we are this moment. The other side is observing and listening. One side has a need to be known and the other has a need to know. These two sides of the communication coin are very different.

Of course, we know what it feels like to want to be seen, appreciate and understood. As a baby we look up and smile, hoping that others will smile too. We scribble paint on a slip of paper, hold it up, and say ‘look.’ Most adulterated adults – I call them dults – look at the paper and begin their predictable rant; ‘Oh, isn’t that nice. Look at how big the sky is.’ ‘Is that the sky?’ ‘People don’t have three heads.’ Inside the child sits whispering to him or herself, ‘No Mommy. Look at me. Look at what I did.’

Themes: 
bonding
communication
parenting

Pleasure is BAD Get Over It

The Time cover Mom Enough, marked the 20th anniversary of The Baby Book by William Sears, MD, labeling attachment parenting practices such as child-led weaning as “extreme.” No surprise, expected really, by echoing a professional party line dating back over 100 years times ten and more.

Please review and share the fabulous re-shoot and Pathways Family Wellness Magazine follow-up on Times most provocative cover story in decades.

To understand why, first realize that a woman’s body was built, among other tings, for pleasure. In a culture where pleasure is BAD pleasure becomes a commodity, something to be possessed, sold and controlled, especially by males whose normal sensory development has been retarded resulting in a cultural hyper-need-response to what is deprived, driving up the value and the compulsive need to possess and control it.

Ashley Montague notes in the Dehumanization of Man (and Woman via children), ‘the central issue of Western thought and civilizations is freedom vs. control.’ In 1932 with the publication of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley predicted an increasing and rapid centralization of power and control, not through oppression and terror, we have that too, but rather through the subtler devices of conditioning, persuasion, new drugs and distraction. What does rapid centralization of power and control have to do with breast feeding and equally intimate circumcision?

Themes: 
birth
bonding
brain
breastfeeding
circumcision
culture
parenting
pleasure
sensory deprivation
violence

She Knew She Was Worth More...

she knew

Strolling to the office, a plaque rested in a merchant’s window.

She Knew She Was Worth More Than Babies...

Worth more than babies? What could possibly be worth more, be a higher calling, the greatest and life changing challenge anyone, man or woman will face than caring, nurturing, uplifting, inspiring, encouraging the greater good of evolution’s billion year creative effort, the human being?

Themes: 
bonding
culture
parenting

The Greatest Show On Earth…

greatest show


Celebrating Fathers 2012

One becomes two. The teen suddenly looks at girls (in my case) and girls look at boys - differently. Needs and powerful longing for something deeper lead to becoming a father, like it or not.

It has been my joy and great honor to be a father. Through the experience one sees how the entire process of becoming a human being, or anything for that matter, unfolds.

Bonding is primal, not at all intellectual. Women, if they are paying attention, get IT much more directly, under their skin. The radiance of a new being pulsing and moving deep inside.

Themes: 
bonding
parenting

Transcending Self-Image-Culture

bonding and culture

We all know that nurturing cooperative, creative, egalitarian individuals and societies is essential. The key that establishes this is turned very early. Research physiologist James Prescott, surgeon-epidemiologist researcher Michel Odent, author Joseph Chilton Pearce and clinical psychologist and researcher David Chamberlain have been saying and writing for 50 years that the deep, living, “primal” channel of communication we call “bonding” or “attachment” sets the biological template for either peaceful, expansive personal and cultural development or for fear-based, defensive, selfish, aggressive or passive personal and collective stagnation.

The nature and quality of the mother-infant bond, or lack of it, physiologically shapes the primal wiring that determines our interpretation of personal and collective relationships. And it does so for a lifetime, resulting in children, adults and cultures that are fundamentally calm, cooperative, creative and peaceful, are able to form and sustain meaningful relationships, or not. 

When full bonding fails or is damaged, which can begin before conception, not only individuals but families and entire cultures can become anxious or depressed, addicted – whether to substances, activities or greed, chronically ill and/or unhappy, self-abusive or violent. Interfering with the intimate continuum of this process is a crime against children and the natural world.

We must again learn to uphold and respect human bonding as a critical life sustaining ecological process and priority.

The greatest obstacle to meeting this challenge is not the biological imperative and intelligence to care for and protect our children; rather it is socialization and cultural beliefs that impair or prevent full bonding from unfolding. Millions of years of innate intelligence are in conflict with cultural conditioning and the root of this conflict is embodied in our social identity, our self-image.

Themes: 
bonding
culture
freedom
parenting

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