What's It All About
For ongoing conference details and registration information, please visit their website: www.rethinkingeverything.net
What's It All About?
You have been in the field for a very long time. I’ve heard of charter school, and home schools but not unschooling. Describe and contrast each.
Barb: Charter schools are federally funded private schools of all shapes and sizes which require compulsory attendance and mandatory testing. Charter schools operate much like public schools because the federal government funds them.
Unschooling is a form of homeschooling, in that children and teens are learning at home rather than in a formal school setting.
Traditional approaches to homeschooling are curriculum based. Textbooks, assignments, homework and traditional coursework are its features. Unschooling is a method of home-based learning that is focused on the unique interests, readiness and abilities of each child or teen. Pre-packaged curriculums are rarely in use, in preference to a wide assortment of materials. resources and activities that more suitably meet the child/teen's diverse and ever- changing needs.
Unschooling, aka self design, open source learning, or free range education, is not something that we do to our children but largely a process of unlearning, or rethinking, for us parents. Most adults are products of the traditional school system which convinced us that learning only happens when people with power over us - teachers, parents - force, coerce or otherwise "motivate" us to absorb information that people with power over teachers - education and developmental experts - decided that we should know.
We were all born with a drive to learn
that is more compelling than
almost any other instinct.
If we step back from the power struggles
we can be allies with our children
in learning, solving problems and
creating what John Holt called
"a life worth living and work worth doing."
Unschooling is deprogramming, healing, regenerating.
It is remembering to relax and trust our own and
our children's innate ability to choose ideas and activities
that promote lifelong learning and growth.
At the heart of the unschooling process is a depth of shared meaning, trust and respect between child and parent. In infancy this shared meaning is called bonding. The deeper the bond the greater the trust and respect. The majority of conflicts many families experience simply don’t occur when mutual trust and respect expressed through compassionate listening and action is carried forward and expanded throughout the child’s and the adult’s continuing development.
Unschooling is the process of expanding mutual trust and respect as the child and parent continue to learn and grow together in new ways. With basic trust supported by compassionate communication as a base, every moment is exploding with new possibilities for both. When the parent trusts themself – even when they don’t know something, very early in life the unschooled child discovers they can trust themselves too. Because the primary adult-child relationship is completely safe – the natural curiosity, interests and drive for lifelong learning expands. Life is relationship and the more relationships we and our children experience the more we learn and grow. Unschooling invites and gives precedent to expansive learning relationships. Expansive learning relationships replace the test and drill routine most experience as schooling and education.
How Does Unschooling Work?
Barb: Lives of the unschooled vary with each person and each family. Unschooling can cost nothing or cost a million bucks. Unschooling at its most fundamental is child-led learning, based upon the child's interests, developmental readiness, motivation and abilities, and nurtured by parents and the community, their environment, geography, curiosity, and each nurturing participant's skills, talents and enthusiasm for life. Each hour or each day may be different for the unschooled child/teen or even routine and structured if the child thrives on elements of routine.
There is no formula for unschooling how-to; the process of listening, communicating, sharing ideas, exposure to people, places and events begins to set the course for the directions an unschooled child will desire his life to go. Unschooling is a diverse and organic process of discovering the world and one's place in it, all on the child's terms.
Everything from sleeping/awake patterns, meal times, food preferences, the extent to which she desires socialization, her interest in reading, writing, playing, daydreaming, cleaning, traveling, inventing, creating, etc. etc. now falls into the empowered realm of the unschooled child, all occurring or not as a function of the big wide world of internal and external stimulation which enters her world constantly.
Whether the unschooled child spends hours behind a book, a calculator, a computer, video games, playing fantasy games with friends or alone, all is determined by the unschooled child and nurtured by those who care for and about her.
In the unschooling family, parents are often challenged to unschool themselves in the process, meaning that they too begin striving for more freedom-to-be and following the dreams and desires they have for themselves.
A successful unschooling family will be one where each person is not only able to ask for and fulfill their ongoing preferences but each is nurturing and supportive of the others.
Communication, experimentation, equality
and unconditional love are elements of
an unschooling family at its best.
The logistics of how, why and who does what in such a family is both revolutionary and magical. The dynamics of every family are critically different and the nuts and bolts of achieving harmony vary accordingly. Such are the topics of the Rethinking Everything conference!
How to Begin Unschooling
Barb: Watch your child and look for clues that tell you he is interested or ready for something. This is happening all the time.
Fill your home with resources that excite your child and the list will be different for each child. Inexpensive materials can be had through store sales, thrift stores, hand-me downs, gifts, garage sales. Many materials can be hand-made and books on how to make them available through your library or interlibrary loan.
Teach yourself to be resourceful in ways that foster your child's curiosities. For example, if your child is bored with the local parks, find new parks in new communities. If your child wants more pets but you are at your pet limit, find others who can give him the exposure to animals he is looking for: farms, pet stores, zoos, rehabilitation organizations, pet sitting, etc.
Don't follow any compulsion you feel for purchasing text books unless your child asks for them. When she asks for them or for the type of learning that only a textbook can offer, buy or borrow them! Just because a child wants school books or college or structure - or school for that matter - does not mean that unschooling is not taking place. Remember that unschooling is simply child-led learning.
When she loses interest in the books, put them aside.
Expose your child to everything under the sun, and especially more of those things that are of interest to him - there are no limits to what they should or should not know; your child will make it clear to you how much information he needs at any given time.
Subscribe to magazines and buy/borrow books that follow your child's interests, rent/buy DVDs, venture out and find people who can foster your child's interests and curiosities. It's OK and totally normal to not have all the answers and in fact, a valuable learning experience for both of you. Tell your child honestly when you don't know a thing or have never thought about what he is talking about or asking for. Brainstorm together on how you find out what your child wants or needs to know.
Stop telling your child what to do. If a thing must be done, such as brushing one's teeth or leaving the house to shop, etc. and your child does not want to do it, treat him the way you would like to have someone treat you in similar circumstances: sometimes being straightforward and rational and honest is most effective, sometimes turning it into play works. Respectful communication and your child's critical need to trust what you tell him will allow each of you to want to help meet each other's needs and enjoy doing it.
Don't worry when it seems like your child is just playing all day - developmental experts agree that huge amounts of play are critical to their development of intelligence. Some experts believe that play should be all we do, whether we are "working" or not. (Shouldn't work be play?)
Play dates and times should always be set by the child, not the parent. If you cannot accommodate your child's wish to have a friend spend as much time at your house as you believe is possible, for example, help your child figure out how she can meet her needs in other ways.
Encourage your child to spend their time in ways that bring them feelings of joy and contentment. Do not put yourself in the position of being an enforcer of all that your fear and experience tell you she should be doing with her time. Bribery, coercion, punishment and rewards do not work and only make your life more stressful and difficult. Never use time-out. Discipline is never useful or productive - self-discipline is the only discipline that works and is achieved on each child's own timetable, on their own terms.
Recognize how important role-modeling is:
what your child sees you do every day,
what he hears you say about yourself and
others, how you treat yourself and others,
are the most important things your child will
pay attention to, learn from, and pattern.
There are no short-cuts or tricks here. You must learn to be a true model of your ideal. Once you have achieved a good measure of living up to your own expectations, don't expect your child to follow suit. For example, if he sees you working hard every day doing the things you love to do, he very well may have no interest in the same things you do, but rather will learn that he wants to spend his time doing the things he loves to do.
When tempted to share with your child how fearful you are that they will not learn all that you believe they should learn, write it down instead. Keep notes on your feelings, observations, ideas and compare them from time to time. Find others to talk to about your fears.
Unschool support groups are great resources, as are books, magazines, email lists, websites, etc. With your child, focus instead on what they ARE interested in. When your unschooled child spends all his time in a math book, don't talk to him about how he should be reading instead. If he wants to play video games all day, get him more video games.
When the interest is fostered unconditionally, 
any contrary or rebellious motive for
behavior will fall to the wayside and allow
true interests and skills to develop.
Unschooling results in rich, creative and powerful lives on each person's terms. Living in community, whether it's with a family, an extended family, a town or the big world, with respect for each person's need to understand themselves and be true to their unique and ever-changing desires allows each person to honor those values in each other.
Unschooling does not result in out-of-control chaos: it results in communities of people who listen to each other, respect each other's wishes and desires, supporting the community's commonly agreed upon goals.
How will your unschooling community evolve?
Barb: The unschooling family meets the unique educational needs of the child/teen with focus on communication and listening skills, hands-on experimentation, volunteer and apprenticeships, self-chosen resources. The unschooled will use traditional materials but only to further their own interests. Formal testing is rarely used, grade- level standards fall to the wayside as the child/teen develops skill and mastery in areas of personal relevance and passion. The goal in unschooling is to foster the exciting and powerful creation of the unique, self-designed self!
What basic information can you offer and resources do I need, and where can I find them to begin to understand these alternatives – and which one might be best for my family.
Barb: The internet can provide a rich and varied source of materials for unschooling, homeschooling and charter schools. Each state will have it's own requirements and limitations. For a good start on researching unschooling, I recommend two book titles: "How Children Learn" and "How Children Fail", both by John Holt. There are many great unschooling books available however. and several more by Holf. Unschool resources will vary enormously, dependent upon what the child is interested in, how it might best be learned, what ability level is sought, etc.
To be successful in either unschooling or homeschooling, I believe the two most critical qualities a parent needs are a sincere desire to spend 24/7 with her child(ren) and patience in nurturing their self-designed, unique potential. What a parent dreams of for his child is usually very different from what a child dreams of for himself. The goal of successful unschooling is not to produce a child in your image, but to allow and nurture the unique metamorphosis of the child in her own image. This is not only possible but powerful at all ages, from birth onward.
Are these alternatives for everyone or just weird families? Who should and who should not plunge down this road?
Barb: By traditional cultural standards, I heartily say it's just for weird families! I have become very proud of my weird label over the years and would consider "normal" a downright insult. In addition to the two qualities already raised, patience and desire to spend time with one's child, I would add that unschool success is more likely when, from a parental standpoint, there is a great deal of natural curiosity present, resourcefulness, solid sense of self, strong bonds with partner, family and friends. These aren't prerequisites, but will definitely contribute to success in a child/teen's unschool future in very positive ways.
What if I think it is a good idea but my spouse hates it?
Barb: This is a fairly common phenomenon in unschooling circles. Hate might be a strong word, but frustration, distrust and confusion are not, and all are hurdles. Typically the father is away from home each day as the breadwinner, working amongst competitive rat race coworkers and mom is at home full time with the children. Since the daily exposure for each is different, there is sometimes dissent that develops between husband and wife on the educational needs and requirements for their children. There isn't one answer that will work for everyone here, but a commitment to love, respect, communication, listening, research and observation all contribute to a family that can bond in an understanding of what kind of environment will be most beneficial for each person within it. We spend much time on this broad topic at the Rethinking Education conference.
Learning from others who are successfully traveling the unschool journey is so important to most unschool families. When I was raising my three children, we made a priority of gathering with other unschooled kids and their parents at least once per week for several hours at a time. Most of us as parents were raised very traditionally, subject to enormous amounts of conditioning. Our world views on parenting, education, spirit and so much more evolve as we learn to take personal responsibility, question everything under the sun, experiment. A great many unsupportive spouses come around to full support of unschooling as they observe their children fully engaging with life, able to express themselves openly and intelligently, learning to resource the big world.
Can you help me explain these alternatives to my children? All this seems very strange when all the other kids are going to regular school.
Barb: My experience has shown that the unschooled child is commonly the most admired kid on the block because he doesn't have to go to school. All the other kids want to unschool. Dissonance develops when the neighbor kids ask their parents if they can unschool and their parents refuse.
I have seen cases however when an older child is removed from traditional school by a parent who is making the decision to do so, and the child is not supportive of their parent's decision or confused by it. The child has been conditioned thusfar to believe that homework, getting good grades, jumping through adult hoops is what success is all about. Naturally the child will be confused when suddenly the parent now says that none of that matters!
In such cases I have counseled parents to simply be honest with their child: they are rethinking the school experience, rethinking the meanings of education and success, wanting their child to learn to value self-education, self-direction, self-motivation - all of which can only be achieved by creating a respectful home that listens to the child and nurtures those things that peak with questions, curiosity, desire for more.
I want to dig deeper into the field and understand some of my options.
Barb: Google for unschooling resources. Read books, join local groups, join yahoo discussion groups, attend unschool conferences, start asking yourself the big questions and dig deeply for answers. There are as many options for you and your child/teen as there are people. The purpose of unschooling is the discovery of the unique and powerful you, the unique and powerful child/teen. Yes, plan on unschooling yourself as you unschool your child!
I thought schooling is compulsory. I have no credentials.
Barb: Every state has different laws with regard to homeschooling. A few do require teaching credentials. If you live in one of those states, find out from others who are unschooling how they meet the requirement. In years past, before homeschooling became legal in all 50 states, it was common for unschoolers and homeschoolers to go "underground". As for compulsory attendance, that is never a 
problem, since in your home you are providing an unschool environment 24/7!
What about tests and grade levels?
A few states require testing, most do not. Check with your state's homeschool law to see if testing is required, and with local support groups to find out more about this. One website that offers good state info is nhen.org.
Socialization (for my child and for me). Will everyone will think I’m freaky?
Barb: Freaky is good. Just kidding. In the real world, no one is immune to this label. I can't honestly say I've ever met an unschooled kid who has been called freaky - lucky is much more like it. In the face of any labels or insults, the only thing that matters is what view of yourself you choose to own and make yours. Insults and name calling always belong to the one using them and are always a sign of insecurity, anger and frustration. A little empathy to those who resort to bad mouthing is always in order. Focus on who you are and who you want to be and everything else falls to the wayside where it belongs.
